Decision-Making
"Kau kena belajar buat keputusan sendiri." (Joe, 2010)
His short words, yet simple, make me wondering about my entire life. Honestly, I am the last person in Earth which you should referred to, if comes to the make a decision. I always have a problem regarding to this matter, either I always blur or too lazy for think about it, or else, actually I'm too scared to make a wrong decision. Though I know, we didn't ever know either our decision is right or wrong until we made a choice.
Along this short journey, I think I didn't have any matter that I really decide for my life. Either I ask other person's opinion (in other words, ask other's decision) or simply just let the situation takes over my place for making decision. For example, if I didn't get any job in a specific period (after 2 months of graduation, and before Master application approval due date), I will further my study in Master Degree level. (Actually the course that I choose based on my friend's decision too). Although deep in my heart, I'm too tired for continue study again and again. But finally I did too, in order to keep the promise by myself.
Yeah, maybe I had made a decision in almost small things, such as buy any clothes, accessories, or whatever, but for such decision that really effect to my life, I didn't really made it. Surely, it comes to the relationship matter too. Not me that really tackle my previous girlfriends, but they did. And I didn't really made decision for being with them, but I simply take it what seems in front of me. Yup, I made a decision for accept them into my life, but is I really think further about that? Nope. That's why my life keep turning upside down.
So, guess what I'll tell others when it comes to the making decision part? It the most typical answer that I used since my childhood age; ENTAH, or TAK TAHU. For me, it's the most safe answer in the world, since I don't need to think what choices should I choose, which side should I take places, which party should I take care their feelings, but in the same time, the decision that made by others, don't actually reflect what actually I really want. But I'm such a great follower, that I just follow what they decide for me. The answer that I give (didn't know) to others when childhood age is keep repeat again and again over the years, and for such reason, I become indecisive person when it comes to the decision matter. Sometimes, my answer will annoy others too, since I didn't really answer their questions, and only leave the said matter with question mark.
I know that being a man means that I should take care of a woman, which need a real guidance from me. If I didn't really make a decision for her, who is have to then? I really should change this annoying manner in order to develop myself to be a better person than yesterday. I'm not a small child that need an order from their parents anymore, but I'm an adult which keep growing from time to time in order to become more maturely in a good old days.
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